Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
