i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
