I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize