Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize