oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
