farters have to be the big spoon...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
