How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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