we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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