my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
