a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
