Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize