I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's never too late to be topless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
