my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
