K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
