you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
