The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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