I puked a lego.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
