I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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