So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
