and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize