I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
