He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
