you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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