finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
