While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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