Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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