the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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