In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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