i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
