dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
