something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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