Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize