I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
