can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
