If i come over, it means nothing
one might say we're banned from that church
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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