I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
