i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
