I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
zippers are such a cool invention
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
