were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
