Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
