That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
