But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
