Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
