Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
