I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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