He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
