I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize