i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
