Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
