____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
