Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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