I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
