the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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