If i come over, it means nothing
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize