im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
