If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
