she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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