I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
