My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
