Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize