I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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