It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
