I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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