I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
