Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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