Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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