Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
